Escalator Riding For Beginners

Okay the rule here is, if you need something, order it the day before, or two days even better. On the phone they be like "If you need anything just let us know! We're happy to help!" So I asked if I could have some more instant coffee sachets and another little milk. "Yeah no worries." So now five hours later. I make a second call "Listen, um I asked for some coffee and milk about 4 or 5 hours ago and just wondering..." "Yes that'll be coming to you tomorrow." "Say wha?" I said. "Just put it in the lift. Take 20 seconds." "Well we've got 300 guests at the hotel..." "And no staff?" "We will get that to you as soon as possible... but there are a lot of guests and...." "I know what hotels do." I said. "But what, we're at the bottom of your list?...okay thank you. Loud and clear." "We'll try to get it up this evening." "Tha-aaannks."

All hail Matt Denny, the discus thrower from Allora (neighbouring town to Clifton) who threw the greatest sequence of throws ever by an Australian at the Olympic finals last night and finished 4th. All hail also Rohan Browning who won his heat of the 100 meters track sprint in astonishing fashion - it's the first thing I've ever seen that I literally could not believe while watching it. God I cried and whooped and hollered "You bloody beauty!" Shortly thereafter Matt threw again and again this amazing series of throws - all over 65 meters with a best of 67.02. It's hard to put what Matt did into perspective for non-athletes. The discus for men is a huge 2kg plate. Next time you're in a gym, non athletes, ahem, pick up a 2kg plate - well they probably don't have them, but they have 2.5kg plates, and have a feel of it in your hand. Then swing it around your body and notice that you couldn't throw it 15 meters, probably not 10 meters. Denny threw one 67

Quarantine for dummies: "Served with Fruit Bowl" means you get an apple.

it is indeed a great comfort to know that the quarantine-ass health department covid test team have a sense of humour. (At my door, see, I was waiting. When they knocked I knocked straight back. The lady laughed. I yelled out "STEP BACK FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!" She laughed again. We have a coffee date on August 13th at Starbucks on the corner.) It is indeed a second great comfort to know that when they stick the fickle finger of virus in your head they do the mouth first, both sides, BEFORE they do the nostrils, right and left. For I had feared that that memo may not have reached them - that doing the nostrils first may cause gagging when the mouth is penetrated on account of how it is the one fickle finger of virus for all four locations. amen.

Day 2 highlights: I put my milk in minifridge plus waffle gets cold outside in quarantine-ass hallway while my body remembers how to sleep

Australians all let us rejoice... for we're in quarantiiiiiiinnnneeee We've Golden Gate and Sofitel skyscrapers built on saaaaaannnndddd You cannot leave your five star room the pool is out of bounds Fill every page at every stage with details you already gave Now I don't feel lonely cos the state is in lockdoooooowwwnnnn from lofted balcons let us sing Advance Oz Quarantiiiiiiinnnee The laughing stock from sea to sea Advaaaaaaance Ozzz Quarrrrr aaaannnnn tiiiiiiiinnnneeee 'and now here's Alan Jones with his feelings'