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More Excerpts from "Life Tips For The Young"

Day Dreams Day Dreams exist to make you realise that yes indeed you did just doze off for a few minutes at your desk when you should have been working. You might even have snored. Snoring The main purpose of snoring is to alert your loved ones and intimate partners that although they are important to your sense of well being, acceptance and belonging they are not as important as your need to ful ly self-express even while asleep and if they don’t like it they can lump it. In physiological mumbo-jumbo snoring is caused by the inflation of the Snorkus Reticulii Flap which is invisible during the day time or when one is in an upright position but visible at night or while lying horizontally. The SR Flap is believed to have developed over a million years ago to help scare away predatory mammals on the plains of Winnebego. Visions There are two sorts of visions: the cheap ones that have absolutely no monetary value and the dear ones from which a lucrative lecture ...
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Only The Thief Knows When and How He Will Attack

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More Excerpts from :"Life Tips For The Young"

Guilotine An age-old device used to quickly and cleanly separate elongated objects from their heads. The guillotine employs the unending natural forces of gravity and revolution in concert to deliver its deadly blow. Mice Mice are among a range of pest creatures who live pretty much wherever they like and it’s up to you to convince them not to. Mice may carry disease but at least they carry it cl ose to the ground most of the time. Airborne pests like flies, mosquitoes and birds are able not only to raise to the height of your mouth and nose but to also raise above it, enabling them to, should the urge take them, drop objects on top of your head or in your throat should you be lying down or gazing up at the time. Indeed, the Shit-In-Your-Open-Mouth Bird of Paradise from New Guinea first hovers far above its victims, then makes the sound of a helicopter in trouble to make people look upwards while it hides in the sun’s glare, then shits directly into their open mouths ...
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