Diary of Mister Blunt - tales from Five Star Quarantine

quar-an-tine.... you don't have to sound so mean, there's a time for isolation and for the space between... I know you don't understand me or any place I've been.... quar-an-tine you don't have to sound so mean... you got some of the greatest views I ever seen...
I know the breakfast bowl and two weetbix was some kinda low beam, but the meat pie and sauce helped me blow off some steam, please stop sending me weeds and leaves from yonder village green, that ain't no kind of salad, it don't belong in no kind of cuisine, and I'm sorry for scaring the shits out of Suzie when she dropped off the paper bag, I wasn't even in my room yet and I let my disposition sag, she reared back so fast she made it seem like she seen a ghost, "Put a sack on your countenance" she cried, "don't put your face where you ain't supposed," Well I heard that before a time or two in this life of suspect hygiene, but it ain't never knocked the wind quite out of me like the Qatarstrophic quarantine

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

More Excerpts from: "Life Tips For The Young (What Stuff Really Means)"

The Elderly: Once they get to a certain age, usually within plain sight of retirement from the job that has held them prisoner for their entire adult life, older people begin to do things differently. They take their time about things. Not because they are slow themselves but because they realise that no matter how fast you try to do things you will never beat time itself. Time marches on. The elderly, finally, know this. That is why they spend an inordinate amount of time in gardens and sipping tea. Gardens consistently provide proof that time is the boss of us all. That is also why the elderly drive their cars as if they were boats. When near elderly people who are driving always give them extra space and time to turn, to park, to do a u-turn, to respond to a signal, to brake. Give them an extra wide berth as you pass them by because who knows what sort of choppy current they are traversing, or whether the tides are coming in or going out. Nobody knows, but the elderl
Read more

Tentin Quarantino

All hail Matt Denny, the discus thrower from Allora (neighbouring town to Clifton) who threw the greatest sequence of throws ever by an Australian at the Olympic finals last night and finished 4th. All hail also Rohan Browning who won his heat of the 100 meters track sprint in astonishing fashion - it's the first thing I've ever seen that I literally could not believe while watching it. God I cried and whooped and hollered "You bloody beauty!" Shortly thereafter Matt threw again and again this amazing series of throws - all over 65 meters with a best of 67.02. It's hard to put what Matt did into perspective for non-athletes. The discus for men is a huge 2kg plate. Next time you're in a gym, non athletes, ahem, pick up a 2kg plate - well they probably don't have them, but they have 2.5kg plates, and have a feel of it in your hand. Then swing it around your body and notice that you couldn't throw it 15 meters, probably not 10 meters. Denny threw one 67
Read more