She Is Coming

Sweet Mary mother of god we are now gonna get a cat. I told the dogs. I split them up into separate rooms. I did BarnBoy first. "BarnBoy," I said, "I got some bad news and some even worse."
He licked his cakehole like, whatever...
I said "We are gonna get a cat."
It didn't seem to register. Then I figured, he's been living in Germany for four years now.... so I said "We are gonna get a Katze!" and he twisted his head around from his ass so quick it made the blood well up in my ears. His tail went skyward, like a find-me flag on a woolworth's shopping cart. Then he was looking everywhere for the Katze. I said "Hey, big fella, she ain't here yet. She comes next week. And yes, I do mean to say 'She'."
She, my mother used to say, is the cat's mother.
To which I would always reply "Which cat? What the hell are you talking about?"

I went in to the next room where our all-peeing, all-vomiting one-eyed Hungarian Street Dog was making an escape rope with her own hair.
"Antje," I said. "Next week we are gonna.... what the?"
Cos she was peeing, see. In the corner, with the window already cracked. I thought if I moved in too quick she was liable to kill herself. She'd seen things over there in Hungry-aria.

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